Pay No Bribes!

Unless you like agricultural parades and political rallies, Ciudad Constitucion, Mexico is not a tour destination but a necessary pass through on the way to someplace great.  A place I wish was so not memorable for me.

Driving slowly through town I thought are you kidding! when a police vehicle turned to follow me but ignored the hotrod that just peeled out!  I became extra alert at proper driving even though it wasn't going to be about that. 




My heart picked up speed during the excruciating three kilometers, as it followed me to the end of town.  Instead of pulling over, when the flashing lights came on, with a big gulp, I turned left into the last Pemax station.

I continued to ignore it and preceded to order fuel and elicit help from the attendant. 

“Zoom, zoom!” he said, making lots of hand signals and confirming they were corrupt!  

As I paid, he shook his head sympathetically and pointed to the other side of the road where the vehicle was now waiting for me in the shadows.  Double-dread!!  

It was getting dark now, with my headlights on I drove carefully to my unavoidable sentence. The good cop came up first and indicated the bad cop was waiting to see my license for a seat-belt ticket.  He returned shaking his head indicating that the bad cop was very unhappy with my license!

I pulled out more documents knowing what they wanted was a large money bill folded under it.  Each time he returned shaking his head! 

Then the good cop became a bad cop too!  He followed me into the depths of the Honey to watch me find my passport.  Then, even worse!  The sound of a knock on the back door and the bad cop saying, “unlock door”.  

Doomed, I was now crammed in the Honey between two bad men!  I gingerly pulled my passport out of a stashed money box.  I couldn't believe my luck!  Somehow they missed seeing me quickly, stash a huge wad of money under the cushion!  Perhaps things were looking up after all?

I got a new idea and indicated I finally understood exactly what they wanted!  They seemed more relieved then me!  Excited to show them, I held my breath as I slid past the bad cop and indicated they should follow me.  Suprised that they did, outdoors a newfound confidence rose up in me, I scolded at them in bad espanol mixed with charades!  "Mujer, tranquilo!"  -lady, driving along peacefully I motioned... "You...!"  -shaking fingers at them! "Policia -no bueno!".   

Reality hit! They were now going to steal everything, kill me in a painful way and leave me in the desert with the snakes!  

Instead I remembered my plan! I quickly stepped aside and pointed to my license plate.  "There! Me license!" I said laughing happily with a big smile, shrugging my shoulders, as if it was all just a silly misunderstanding.  They look more annoyed then ever!

Just then a large bus came chugging down the road, perhaps it was full of witnesses!  My right hand went straight up in the air!  The bus brake-lights flashed ON!

In less time then it takes to say “no pay bribe” I was free again!  And off the Honey and I went as fast as we could go!  To our next adventure!